Does Authenticity Make Your Butt Look Big?

I've been reading about authenticity lately. Steve Rothberg, Punk Rock HR- Laurie Ruettimann and Maren Hogen all had interesting things to say. So did the 30 or so people who showed up to christen the new chat function with a discussion of what is authentic.

Asking yourself if you are being authentic enough is like asking if your jeans make your butt look big. The questions are equally narcissistic and no one is going to tell you the truth. (By the way, transparency always makes your butt look big.)

To work on being more "authentic" is to preclude the very possibility of authenticity. Personal "authenticity" is not a destination. It's part of the sweat you work up taking a good hard run at life.

There is no way to be more authentic. Authenticity is inherent in just being. This is because being authentic is just being yourself. If you are comfortable in your own skin, you will be authentic without trying.

Authentic communication is different than just being yourself and requires a lot more work.

How do you appear authentic while doing something that isn't really, well, "you?" This is the classic problem with politics, advertising, marketing, branding, social media and recruiting. It also comes up now and then for me as a lawyer.

"If you buy this (fill in the blank) your social/sex life will improve dramatically and all the (fill in the blank) will not be able to resist you."

"No robber in his right mind would break into the house in broad daylight and carry the stereo down the street-- especially in a white baseball cap."

"Really, this job as the Effluent Efficiency Expert in Anchorage—Fantastic Career Move!"

For some, trying to communicate in an authentic way means revealing personal information. For others, it means demonstrating their quirks and foibles to seem more human. Still others want to be clearer in their communications and say exactly what they mean.

These things don't always work, nor do they demonstrate authenticity.

Here are some practical tips I've learned as a trial lawyer on where to draw the line with your genuine, sincere, authenticity:

1. Avoid TMI: Too Much Information is not the same as being authentic. People don't want to know about your medical conditions, particularly anything involving a rash or oozing. They also don't want to know about the toilet training of your children, how you cured smelly feet or what type of tampon you think works best.

2. Avoid Public Heartfelt Disclosures: It absolutely works in private and is essential to close relationships. Most people are really uncomfortable with that level of disclosure with people they don't know. So avoid public discussion in business or professional settings of the epiphanies you had in therapy, church, during sex or any combination thereof.

3. Self deprecation only works if it's funny. Irony doesn't come through in writing unless you are a really talented writer with room for context. Even adding an emoticon just doesn't cut it. If you say, "I'm such an idiot," people will just think you're an idiot. On the other hand, you can push the line a lot farther if it's funny and/or really loud. Think Recruiting Animal.

4. Be your "professional" self. Put things out there you would share with a new boss or colleague. If it's someone who would get less than 70% on your Facebook how well do you know me quiz, it's probably TMI.

5. Do not post anything online out of anger, fear, after more than one drink or after 10 pm whichever comes first.

6. Righteous indignation, no matter how passionate and heartfelt, always comes off closer to raving lunatic.

7. If you are uncomfortable, you'll never pull it off. Don't even try.

The real key to communicating authentically is understanding what you are saying really well, then saying it as clearly and simply as possible. This requires a lot more work and a lot more time than knocking off a few lines at the keyboard or flying by the seat of your pants. It often requires editing, polishing, feedback and rethinking—all things that are often absent in online publishing.

Bottom line:

Authenticity is knowing what you are talking about and saying it really well.