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Removing the Wedge
When I was twenty-seven years old, my parents divorced. It was a difficult time, I thought my parents would always be together. But change happens, it is the one constant, right? And with that change came many others. I doubted myself and my own marriage. I questioned who I was and underneath it all, I found reasons to be unforgiving. I'm not saying it was a bad thing, for in actuality - like so much in life, it was a lesson. A lesson in reality, a step away from the shining castle, and a step toward understanding truth.
And though I was not a child, as an adult I should have been more sympathetic, I was not. The hurt inside usually overpowered any rational thought or action that might have led me through the healing process. I was able to eventually let go of the pain but it was a process that required me to consistently open my mind. Ultimately, my father's untimely death sealed my belief that rational thought, rational conversation, and respect is a must.
Just before my father died, he had been sick but we did not think his illness was fatal, I thought it was a chest cold that was left untreated for too long. My mother took my dad in, she gave him a place to live and cared for him while he was recovering. Forgiveness. My mom, along with my brother and sister that lived close by, helped my father find an apartment near them all and when he seemed well enough, they helped him move in. A week after he moved, he was gone. Timely? Yes. Too soon? Also yes.
Approaching life with a chip on one's shoulder or a constant cloud of indignation does not ease the pain of heart break or loss. In fact, it actually widens the wedge that divides. Learning to forgive is not an easy task. But what I have found is that, similar to smiling your way to happiness, wanting to forgive - saying you forgive, will eventually lead to that accomplishment. Acceptance of hurt and the desire to let it go are part of the process. There is, of course, a place for forgiveness. And not only in family relations or friendships, but in business, as well.
When you are invested in what you do or the people with whom you work, there is always the chance you will be hurt. Sometimes in business, the almighty dollar does come first and a company's best and brightest do not. Following my departure from a job and organization that I dearly loved, it was tempting to stay detached in my next assignment. A nine to five, easy-going position with no investment was certainly alluring. But in the end, my need to dive in and fully commit overpowered my need to self-protect. But it couldn't be done without forgiving the past and letting it go. Rational thought won. And in the end, so did I.
by rayannethorn
Tags: @Ray_anne, Bonus Track, Rayanne Thorn, RecruitingBlogs.com, business, death, divorce, forgiveness, hurt, loss, More…
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Tiger Patrick on -
Ok, this one is my favorite.. timely and relevant to my little world.. seriously, I think I am learning more about me... reading you!
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Permalink Reply by Rayanne on -
Thanks Tiger. I suppose I have opened the kimono a bit. I really appreciate your comments!
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Permalink Reply by Sandra McCartt on -
Love the new pic! Younger attitude, more fun, more personality. Good choice.
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Permalink Reply by ryan morphett on -
Rayanne
That was great thanks.
I have learnt in life that one thing is for sure. You deal with it!!! no matter what life chucks at you, you deal with it.
I was asked the other day " what would you do if this happened to you" my answer as always is deal with it.
But after having 'lived' I say that forgiveness is the key as I just can't bring my self to waste time with anything else
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Permalink Reply by Peter Lanc on -
Thanks for sharing. Soulful. Thanks
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Permalink Reply by Anna Brekka on -
Thank you - I think you hit on one of lives most important lessons - Forgiveness - nothing is as harder but when achieve nothing is more liberating. To truly forgive is the finest of human acts.
Keep going!
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Permalink Reply by Recruiting Animal on -
Good article Rayanne.
However, I don't think that forgiveness --- and letting stuff go because it is irrelevant as a focus -- are the same thing.
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Permalink Reply by Gerry Crispin on -
You've arrived at a place few can find and most fail to even seek. Enjoy. Nice hat!
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Permalink Reply by Rayanne on
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Than this does not apply to you, Animal and all is right in your world - You are very fortunate, congrats!
Recruiting Animal said:Good article Rayanne.
However, I don't think that forgiveness --- and letting stuff go because it is irrelevant as a focus -- are the same thing.
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Permalink Reply by Heidi on -
Wow Rayanne:
You just hit a cord in my soul.. Thanks for your honesty.
Heidi
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Permalink Reply by Recruiting Animal on
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Rayanne said: Than this does not apply to you, Animal and all is right in your world - You are very fortunate, congrats!
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Rayanne, you can't brush me off that easily.
I didn't say that getting over stuff does not apply to me. It applies to everyone.
However, I don't think forgiveness is necessarily the best way to think about it - because it's not a well-defined term.
Why would I be nice to someone who hurt me or simply did something I don't like?
Even business terms like solution focus vs problem focus are more clear.
Also, forgiveness carries with it the flavour of an imposed moral obligation. And I don't think there is one.
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Permalink Reply by Rayanne on
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I don't think I mentioned "being nice" once in my post. Forgiveness is an inner transformation - it is a letting go of the splinter that has been digging into you. What you choose to do after you dig out the splinter is your business. I never said forgiveness is forgetting....
Recruiting Animal said:Rayanne said: Than this does not apply to you, Animal and all is right in your world - You are very fortunate, congrats!
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Rayanne, you can't brush me off that easily.
I didn't say that getting over stuff does not apply to me. It applies to everyone.
However, I don't think forgiveness is necessarily the best way to think about it - because it's not a well-defined term.
Why would I be nice to someone who hurt me or simply did something I don't like?
Even business terms like solution focus vs problem focus are more clear.
Also, forgiveness carries with it the flavour of an imposed moral obligation. And I don't think there is one.
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