Recruiting Humor

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Comment by Sal Petrara, CPC on February 6, 2009 at 11:08am

Thanks Steve, but looks aren't everything...

Comment by Steve Levy on February 6, 2009 at 7:19am

Humor related to specific careers

Comment by Steve Levy on February 6, 2009 at 7:17am

Sal - you are the funniest person I know...

Comment by Sal Petrara, CPC on February 5, 2009 at 8:58pm

Hi Liz;
Too often the career picks you, so I am equally curious...
Sal

Comment by Lizz on February 5, 2009 at 5:06pm

Sal, yours was funny!

wouldn't we all like to know what Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest went on to do in her professional career.

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,'
-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest .

I am sure we can come up with some very interesting career choices.

Comment by Sal Petrara, CPC on February 5, 2009 at 4:27pm

Hi Lizz;
I thought my recent post was funny as well!
C,mon Steve throw us a bone...
A funny bone please!

Comment by Lizz on February 5, 2009 at 3:05pm

Darn, I thought I finally found something funny - OK, yes funny, but not fresh.

so here is something to Ponder from ole Doc. feel free to reply with your own list of dumb - recruiting phrases!

By Doc Blakely

A friend of mine used to work for a company that did surveys. It was his job to call people and interview them about the product his company sold. Some people got irate and told him, “Take me off your list. I hate these things.” He always patiently explained that the person was already on the list and if he took them off that list he would have to put them on the list that they couldn’t get off so it was better to stay on the list they were on. When they asked why, he explained “You don’t want on the other list. You will never, ever get off that one. It’s better to stay on this one. You can get off it.”

So they’d stay on his list and answer his questions.

Here’s my list of dumb phrases I’d like to see disappear:

“To be perfectly honest with you…” Wait, a minute has our conversation to this point been tainted? Have you been only slightly, modestly or imperfectly honest with me?

“That’s to die for.” They usually say this about food of some sort. I’ve never tasted any food that was worth dying for. I’ve eaten in a few places where I thought I might pass away during the night but the gas kept me alive until daylight. And every time “they” say “it’s to die for” I’m reminded of that dish, a sardine casserole.

“You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.” Ridiculous sayings like this do not stretch the imagination nearly as much as “but if you can get him to float on his back you’ve really got something.”

“Six of one and half a dozen of the other.” No wonder America lags so far behind the rest of the world in math. What does beer and doughnuts have to do with anything?

“If push comes to shove…” If you speak another language try translating this. It’s like saying “If pull comes to yank, if jerk comes to snatch, if extract comes to vanilla.”

“You mean not at all?” This has to rank right up there with “Huh” as brilliant conversation. You usually get this question in response to a remark like “None of your heifers are pregnant.”

“You know…” “I’m going to the University you know and you know I’ll graduate with a degree in journalism you know.” And you’ll starve…don’t you know?

“You want fries with that?” No, but a can of Mace would be nice. Call me old fashioned if you will but I don’t care for fries with a yogurt twist cone.

“No way”- “Way” This makes as much sense as “No Sir”- “Sir” and “No kidding”-“Kidding.” I’d like to see that replaced with “No joke?”-“Joke.”

And finally “Well, I didn’t ask to be born” is an original thought to all of us at one time I suspect but my Father broke me of the habit years ago when he said, “Yeah well, if you had the answer today would have been no.”

Comment by Steve Levy on February 5, 2009 at 2:51pm

For Lizz - look at the last comment...

Comment by Lizz on February 5, 2009 at 2:25pm

Did You Know?

A group of unicorns is called a “blessing.” Twelve or more cows are known as a "flink." A group of frogs is called an “army.” A group of rhinos is called a “crash.” A group of kangaroos is called a “mob” A group of whales is called a “pod.” A group of ravens is called a “murder.” A group of officers is called a “mess.” A group of larks is called an “exaltation.” A group of owls is called a “parliament.”

So, what is a group of Recruiters called?

Comment by Sal Petrara, CPC on February 5, 2009 at 11:24am

Self-Confidence Boosters

If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; your confidence will be restored!
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(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,'
-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest .
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'Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.'
--Mariah Carey
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'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,'
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .
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'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,'
-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward .
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'Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,'
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,



'That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,'
--A congressional candidate in Texas
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'Half this game is ninety percent mental.'
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

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'I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix .'
-- Dan Quayle
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'We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?'
--Lee Iacocca
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'The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.'

--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
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'We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.'
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor .
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'Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.'
--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
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'Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas.'
--Keppel Enderbery
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'If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed, and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record.'
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

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