Let’s face it! Recruiters no longer network like they used. It’s all online these days. And it’s really pissing me off because I keep getting “ignored”. Folks, how can I stalk you if you want make any updates! Puh-lease, throw me a frickin bone here people. I want to network with you so I can offer you a better job. Is that too much to ask? And is it… Continue
Added by Michael Glenn on May 4, 2012 at 10:40am —
Congratulations new Recruiters! The market has picked up and so has the demand for
fresh meat new recruiters. You have a lot to learn! Being a new recruiter is exciting and at times can be scary frightening. So here is a little list to get you oriented as you begin your new recruiting career
Talent Management System = Applicant tracking systems (AKA “black hole”)
Boolean Search Strings = Sacred secrets among nerdy… Continue
Added by Michael Glenn on January 21, 2011 at 1:32pm —
Recruiters, let me tell you something. We’ve lost the basics of recruiting. It’s been replaced with idealistic disillusioned recruitment methods. The problem with most Recruiters is that we get some social media knowledge. A little info or a nugget and we become experts overnight. The fact is, you don’t know what the hell you are talking about. None of us do. That’s why were frickin’ recruiters to begin with.
Recruiting is not rocket science. In fact, it’s very simple. It’s finding… Continue
Added by Michael Glenn on April 21, 2010 at 8:00am —
Our current unemployment rate is like the McRib sandwich. With a lot of
hype and marketing, the McRib was McDonald’s finest obesity marketing
scheme to date. It was a boneless pork patty shaped like it had bones.
Then it was slathered in BBQ Sauce, and eaten between a spongy sandwich
bun. Whenever the sandwich made a comeback tour, every teen, nerd, geek
and weed smoker communally grubbed on the McRib.
The unemployment rate made a comeback tour and hasn’t… Continue
Added by Michael Glenn on April 2, 2010 at 1:22pm —
The Jobs Bill won’t create many jobs. And you know what? It sucks. We’ve lost millions of jobs and this bill is not enough. Let me say it
We have a solution that is so easy and so plain as day that it’s right front of your face. But we’ve become a bunch of corporate zombies Continue
dragging our half-alive-half-dead-ass-carcasses to work we don’t even
see it. In our lives we have become quietly discontent. Focused…
Added by Michael Glenn on March 12, 2010 at 8:54am —
Congratulations, you’ve managed to keep your job last year. While everyone else was laid off or fired, you worked harder to survive. You sacrificed health, social and family time. And, now you don’t have a life. In fact, you were so overly productive last year the company doesn’t see the need to hire someone now.
You’re stressed. We know. We see the bags under your eyes. So, put down that cup of calming herbal tea. My friend, you need to quit.
Yeah, we know you got bills,… Continue
Added by Michael Glenn on March 1, 2010 at 9:05am —
You know what? Recruiters suck at finding themselves work. We give out great job hunting advice to complete strangers but the ugly truth is that we struggle finding a job too.
Every time I tell somebody I’m a Recruiter, they want help finding a job. And there I am with arms crossed listening attentively while they prattle about job prospecting hardships.
Yet, the sick sad reality if I lost my job, I’d do the same thing every unemployed Tom, Dick and… Continue
Added by Michael Glenn on February 10, 2010 at 3:00pm —
Guess what? You’re to blame for the weak hires over the last year. It’s so your fault! You have been here all year and with a zero candidate pipeline. Z-E-R-O!
Where is the recruiting strategy you promised? Why didn’t we hire any “Rock Star” candidates that were laid off? What happened to the process, the database, and the improved time to fill? Bro, where is the Beef?
Okay, stop. Rewind to January 2009.
Half the recruiting team was let go and the work load… Continue
Added by Michael Glenn on January 13, 2010 at 9:09am —
Forget that pathetic packet of coffee over in the break room and try some of my Recruiting Powder Protein. Just pour some of this into your water bottle every morning. Don’t be alarmed if some powder floats up enveloping you in a cloud of recruiting goodness. Take it in. Breath it out. Ahhhh.
As you take a swig, seven minerals blast through your bloodstream. Bam! You just got 15% of your recommended daily intake of Fistful of… Continue
Added by Michael Glenn on January 11, 2010 at 8:48am —
Sometimes my wife calls me a freak. I respond to her in body building pose and shout “Freak of Nature! Yeah baby, yeah!” That usually ends it right there.
Come to think of it, I am freak. Yeah, I’m a freak around the office. I open the bathroom door with a paper towel, drink a lot of crap that has vitamin C, and I use a gallon of anti-bacterial hand sanitizer every day.
I’m freak. A Germaphobe. When someone sneezes, I want to be wearing a fraking face… Continue
Added by Michael Glenn on December 29, 2009 at 11:03pm —
If you had a job this year you weren’t so lucky after all. If you did NOT have a job you probably played tennis, golf and did a lot of blogging, tweeting and other fun social stuff.
So here is the deal. For those of us that had to work like 80 hours a week, were little pissed. Sure we read your corny blogs and follow your tweets about looking for a job.
But now you’re back in the office, just like an eager Beaver, and wanting to take it all on.… Continue
Added by Michael Glenn on December 24, 2009 at 5:00am —
I have a search for a company that needs a Software Developer that programs in Java, has been nude sun bathing in South Beach but doesn’t eat fish but will eat shrimp tacos. Also, rides a Harley Davidson, listens to Neil Diamond and hunts wild Goats. Oh, and they need to live in Alaska close to Sara Palin’s home.
Wow! I just placed someone like that recently. Here is the search string that I used. Hopefully this… Continue
Added by Michael Glenn on December 10, 2009 at 6:00am —
In the 70’s it was quite common to see men with thick bushy chest hair and a sporty moustache. Today, we are clean, shaven, groomed, waxed, and polished to a shiny gleam.
Hiring managers in Corporate America discriminate against men with moustaches and beards. Now I know a lot of you have some facial hair and you’re gonna get pissed after reading this. And Rightfully so. You worked hard to get that Justin Timberlake thin razor cut (aka The Rap Industry… Continue
Added by Michael Glenn on November 25, 2009 at 7:30am —
I might piss off a lot of Recruiters here, but who cares.
Recruiters can’t be trusted. Right up there with Car Salesmen and boiler room Stock Brokers, we are some of the slickest back hand dealing corporate raiders in all the land.
We are the group of scoundrels at every convention trying to collect candidates.
We are the ones standing at the elevator handing out business cards.
We are the ones writing blogs on how to circumvent gate… Continue
Added by Michael Glenn on November 19, 2009 at 7:30am —
SourceCon 2010 represents you, the Recruiter. It represents the hard working Americans fighting in the trenches every day to create a safe, clean, and healthy planet while using the latest in Boolean search string technology. That’s why I am challenging the folks at ERE to embrace my vision of SourceCon 2010 in Atlanta (Not San Diego).
The stage is your basic five story iPhone that comes with a 200 foot long video screen in the shape of… Continue
Added by Michael Glenn on November 11, 2009 at 7:00am —
Be honest. You had a pager once. Admit it. It was your alarm clock in the morning. You had proudly clipped it on your belt everyday. You asked all your clients, candidates and friends to page you. You were a sophisticated jet setting Recruiter. If only your pager were a human, you would’ve made love to it nightly.
Then one day somebody got a mobile phone. You had to have one too. It was huge and weighed 15 pounds but you didn’t care, you bought it anyways. Your first… Continue
Added by Michael Glenn on November 6, 2009 at 9:44am —
The college years was all about sleeping in and playing Madden 9 hours a day. Some poor students had to work while others lounged around the dorm waiting to party around midnight. Life was easy except for the occasional projectile vomit moments.
I work with a bunch of trendy IT Nerds. They are the new crop of Java programming Gen-Y geeks that have replaced the old Baby Boomer Cobol Dorks .
Meanwhile, Gen X Nerds are moving into management roles. Now it’s their turn to be… Continue
Added by Michael Glenn on November 1, 2009 at 10:48pm —
It’s Friday. You got a date planned with your soul mate. Reservations were made in advance. Then Tom over in Accounting, a total Dork with a capital D, asks for an activity Report on all the candidates in the last six months.
Cindy in the PMO Group created half dozen flow charts on the Recruiting process. She is so impressed with her flowcharts she is convinced that this is the process that all Recruiters should follow. Problem. The flow chart includes weekly meal… Continue
Added by Michael Glenn on October 22, 2009 at 10:26am —
The Nerdy IT Manager tried to order a life sized iron cast of Han Solo. The purchasing department caught it. It was rejected. An uprising occurred. Corporate HR surge was sent in to quell the unrest. You were caught in the middle. Now the Nerdy IT manager hates HR; therefore he hates you, the Recruiter.
As you recruit, the manager shoots down all your candidates. He despises every candidate you send him. Everything you do just sucks.
New recruiting plan:… Continue
Added by Michael Glenn on October 7, 2009 at 1:00pm —
Starbucks is selling instant coffee. I tried it yesterday. It was good. I know what you’re thinking. Folders! Flavor crystals and all that asinine marketing, nope, just ain’t there. But, I promise you this, it doesn’t have that instant coffee taste. Give it a try
How about Instant Recruiting? That is a direction we are heading. Companies are looking to get rid of traditional Recruiters and have hiring managers, marketing and small team of junior Recruiters to… Continue
Added by Michael Glenn on September 30, 2009 at 11:30pm —