There are few things more daunting than attending a job interview. That's why it's good to prepare by considering some of the questions you might be asked. Just make sure you don't end up giving any of these answers....
Interviewer: What is your greatest accomplishment?
Interviewee: Finishing Phantom Mutant Death Fighter 3 for PC - and in work time too! Have you played it?
Interviewer: Could you sell me this pen?
Interviewee (shouting): Get your pens, only 50p. Everything must go. Come on sweetheart, you know you want one!
Interviewer: If our roles were reversed, what question would you ask?
Interviewee: Where did you get that terrible blouse?
Interviewer: Who in the world, living or dead, would you most like to meet?
Interviewee: Oooooh that's a difficult one. Er, I'd have to say 'living' I think.
Interviewer: Describe a complex problem you have had to deal with.
Interviewee: I had a STD once, but don't worry, it cleared up ages ago.
Interviewer:Do you prefer delegation or hands on control?
Interviewee: Er, what are they? Boy bands or something?
Interviewer: What do you enjoy doing outside of work?
Interviewee: Shouting up at the window ‘get a life’ to anyone who's sad enough to be working late
Interviewer: Are you prepared to relocate?
Interviewee: Certainly. Where would you like me to sit?
Interviewer: What do you think you can contribute to the company?
Interviewee: Well it depends how much I have left at the end of each month
Interviewer: Can you act on your own initiative?
Interviewee: I was in the school play once, but to be honest I'm no Sir Michael Caine.
Interviewer: 'What would you say is the biggest risk you ever took'?
Interviewee: Probably unprotected sex'.
Interviewer: I meant in the workplace.
Interviewee: Yes, funnily enough it was. You know what Christmas Parties can be like!
Interviewer: What are your career goals'?
Interviewee (proudly) 15 in 155 appearances for my local pub team!
Interviewer: What would you like to avoid in your next job?
Interviewee: It's not so much a case of ‘what’, more 'who'. Honestly, there were some right sad sacks at my last place!
Interviewer: How do you cope with change?
Interviewee: I put it in a piggy bank and buy myself something nice with it at Christmas
Interviewer: Are you willing to travel?
Interviewee: Duh? How else am I going to get here in the mornings?
Interviewer: Describe the best boss you ever had.
Interviewee: About five eight, a petite blonde, breasts like beach balls
Interviewer: Do you prefer working with a male or female boss?
Interviewee: Oh please. Give me a man every time. I mean women. Temperamental or what? Actually just make that 'mental'...... Your good self excepted of course.
Interviewer: What unfinished business have you left behind that you wish you had concluded?
Interviewee: I had a bit of an altercation with one of my colleagues. But don’t worry, I know where he lives. He will get his.
Interviewer: Tell me about a time when you didn’t get on with your colleagues.
Interviewee: Time? How long have you got? I’ve got plenty of stories where that’s concerned.
Interviewer: What's your relationship with your former employer?
Interviewee: Purely platonic. Mind you she looked like she knew every branch of the ugly tree intimately.