Sometimes my wife calls me a freak. I respond to her in body building pose and shout “Freak of Nature! Yeah baby, yeah!” That usually ends it right there.
Come to think of it, I am freak. Yeah, I’m a freak around the office. I open the bathroom door with a paper towel, drink a lot of crap that has vitamin C, and I use a gallon of anti-bacterial hand sanitizer every day.
I’m freak. A Germaphobe. When someone sneezes, I want to be wearing a fraking face mask.
But this year is going to be different. Totally different. I swear. 2010 I will stand up in confidence and trust my immune system.
No more am I going to be guzzling Emergen-C drinks, no more holding my breath in the bathroom, no more fear in shaking hands during flu season. Nope. I’m new man in 2010.
In fact I’m going to flush the toilet with my hand and not my foot. I’m going to drink heartily from the water fountain. I don’t care if the entire IT department doesn’t wash after taking a pee. I don’t care.
I really don’t care because…I’m going to be working from home in 2010. Virtual recruiter. Oh, yeah! Ha germs! Stick that in your pipe and smoke it!!!